|
|
|
1.1 Overview
Transportation -- and the many many things1 associated with transportation -- are topics of overwhelming importance to many Nimals. Consequently, a thorough understanding of Nimal attitudes and practices in this regard will illuminate your comprehension of the essence of Nimals. Moreover, and more practically, since so many Nimal conversations involve discussions of vehicles, the information in this chapter will enable you to find easy ways of "fitting in" with Nimal neighbors and relatives. If your neighbor announces that she's going for a vacation in Paris, it simply won't do to ask her which broom she'll be using. She won't understand what you're talking about and you'll have to do a lot of explaining. On the other hand, if you know enough to say something like, "Did you hear about that big plane crash yesterday?", she's bound to be immediately at her ease and grateful for your show of understanding!2 Because Nimals lack all magical powers, they've been forced to invent mechanisms to assist them in getting from here to there. Some of these are quite ingenious -- for instance: the bicycle and the telephone3. Others, while certainly revealing ingenuity in their construction, are so inefficient and deleterious in their side effects, as to lend credence to the rumor that they were (so-called) "gifts" from certain Dark Wizards to the Nimals. I have in mind here, particularly, the vehicles called cars or automobiles4. And, of course, there are a great many Nimal-invented transportation devices which fall between the extremes of the elegant and the hideous -- machines like escalators, airplanes, pogo sticks, and submarines. Most of you are already familiar with some of the forms of Nimal transportation. All surface-dwelling wizards have seen and heard airplanes passing in the sky above. Those whose families are financially-fortunate enough to possess high-altitude brooms may even have investigated some of these jets as they roared their way past.5 And, many of you who are reading this textbook, have taken railway journeys back and forth to school6. But, it will certainly be the rare one of you who can comprehend the mysteries of, for example, the roller coaster, a mass transit7vehicle which transports Nimals at breakneck speed to exactly where they started from! Though mysterious now, all will soon become clear. And, when it does, you'll find that your understanding of Nimal ways has increased exponentially!8
1There are so many, many, many things unique to Nimal modes of transport that only a tiny fraction of them can be exposited (or even mentioned) in an introductory text. Names of Nimal-made items will be italicized and bold whenever they occur in this text. Students may find it useful to start their own, running dictionaries of Nimal vocabulary. Only the most common objects will be discussed here. For information on such exotic items as camshafts, radar guns and frequent flyer miles, you might consult the author's Elevators, Bicycles & Pogo Sticks (NY1988) or Mufflers, Universals & Gizmos -- a definitive work in progress. 2When I tried this very sentence, my neighbor's friendship increased so much that she decided to spend her vacation right here in the neighborhood, instead! 3Although the telephone is used to transport consciousness over great distances, Nimals don't count it as a vehicle, but as a "communications device", putting them in the same category as owls. Therefore, phones will be discussed in the chapter on Nimal Messaging. 4Even the inhabitants of other planets have noticed the deteriorating effect of cars on the common human presence. For the Martian point of view, please see Appendix I. 5Great care must be exercised in doing this. Though no wizard injuries have been documented, brooms have occasionally been sucked into jet engines, causing big problems for the Nimal pilots of these vehicles. Fortunately, these incidents have been blamed on terrorists. 6Have you ever asked yourself why trips to and from school are done by train, instead of a more normal means of traveling? Ironically, it is the very inefficiency and slowness of Nimal trains which led to this tradition. School authorities recognized that this long, leisurely trip was advantageous for the mental adjustments necessary for transition from Nimal to wizard environments (and vice versa). Nimal trains, enhanced with numerous audio and odor spells, have been used as student transports for the past hundred years. 7Other forms of mass transit include subways and hay rides. 8Only the study of Nimal sports and Nimal money yield as rich a trove of psychological insights as does the present inquiry. |
|
|
| © fishpigsguide.com 2002 |